Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Mithun chakravarthy Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:
1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be
cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Mithunda
2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters.
Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does.......
He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife.
The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters. Then,
Mithunda utters the following dialogue
"Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".
3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolvver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bulletc ompartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....
4) The heroine is tied to an electric chair and the remote is in the hands of the villain about 100 km away. As usual, the villain confronts the hero saying "Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari
mehbooba ko mar doonga".
The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the
villain dies but not before he presses than damn button. Now what to do?
Sure enough, there is a horse and the hero jumps on it. Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desparately trying tocatch up.... goes on for a few km and just as the current would hit the chair, the hero jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chain and husssshhhh. She is saved . The poor electric current only goes to an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a Rajnikanth movie for one last time and thought that atleast one movie will follow his theory of physics.
The whole movies goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasnt changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives.Rajni gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajni has to desparalety kill the villian because its the climax Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible)..
Rajni suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall ,he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead.
Showing posts with label Bollywood SMS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bollywood SMS. Show all posts
Monday, December 14, 2009
tihar jail
Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates.
Wondering why this odd combination ?
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Salman khan is coming ....
Wondering why this odd combination ?
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Salman khan is coming ....
titanic in bollywood lollywoo
Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made
in Bollywood?
The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!
* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees Shahrukh.
* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not
die.
* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.
* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive on-board population.
* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with
a song in the Swiss Alps.
* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.
* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!
* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art
gallery.
* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship.Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.
* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.
* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...
* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
liye bahoootdoor le le."
in Bollywood?
The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!
* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees Shahrukh.
* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not
die.
* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.
* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive on-board population.
* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with
a song in the Swiss Alps.
* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.
* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!
* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art
gallery.
* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship.Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.
* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.
* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...
* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
liye bahoootdoor le le."
top ten reasons why the movie
Top ten reasons why the movie "Bombay" should be banned in Bombay:
10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither
does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill
treats her.
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of
confronting her father and finally winning him over.
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a
meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her
with evil intentions.
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they
should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have
taken due care.
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing
electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group
shot.
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because the director
forgets to include a scene where the Hero or Hero's father has a table
with a Bible, a Koran and a Bhagwad Gita.
2. The Heroine forgets to teach her children the family re-unification song,
when seperated we see the kids helpless not knowing what to do unlike
their more well bred counterparts from other films.
and
1. "Rabert! Agar aam janta, marra marri karne lage, tho humme kaise
phillummo me chance millega"
10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither
does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill
treats her.
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of
confronting her father and finally winning him over.
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a
meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her
with evil intentions.
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they
should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have
taken due care.
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing
electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group
shot.
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because the director
forgets to include a scene where the Hero or Hero's father has a table
with a Bible, a Koran and a Bhagwad Gita.
2. The Heroine forgets to teach her children the family re-unification song,
when seperated we see the kids helpless not knowing what to do unlike
their more well bred counterparts from other films.
and
1. "Rabert! Agar aam janta, marra marri karne lage, tho humme kaise
phillummo me chance millega"
keshtos fever
Keshto Mukherjee's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked what had happened. She said 'Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!'
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked what had happened. She said 'Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!'
indian film stars and their an
Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun,
police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle
ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha: Jao pahle ush
admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya
tha: jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh
diya tha: Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c
mein msg de dena.
Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to
message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.
AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,
jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuke honge,
robert helicopter chalu karo !!
Ajit : "Smart move". Phone kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod
dijiye aur Mona apka phone louta degi ! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi
record karna !
Shatru : jis haram-zade ne call kiya hain ... mein us haram-zade ko zinda
nahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga
Shatru - AAahoy ! Ye Chenu ka answering m/c hai ! Seedhi taraha se message
chhod de warna mai teri haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa
Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve
patte ko nahin ! Nam chod dena Ham patta khud jaan lenge !
Raj Kumar : Jaani. Shisheke gharome rahane wale pathar nahi pheka
karate.Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo. Hum jara jaldi me hai.
Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake woh
tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c .. m/c se hum nahi....
Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c.... HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum
pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega
Prem chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke
msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre'm, He he
Pre'm Chopra
KESTO - Ihhhiyaa ! saale message Chhod ! nahi to Batli de !! Ihhhiyaa!
Jaldi kar HICH ! Apun ko janeka hai Ihhhiyaa ! ! hick! aay . hick! ye
ansering hick! machine hick! msg ..
Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA ! Phone kiya ! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE!
Message rakh ! AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA !
Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo.. adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg
rakho.hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimein
rakho.. HA HAAAAAAA
BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar se log mujhe SHABBO kehate
hai...Tumhara naan kya hai !! Tina Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.
Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod deee ! warna teri maa ki jaaan
....Aaaauu lalita !! mera naam Balma... badriparsad lalanparsad
malapani... balma..Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa ....Balmaa. Aur mere kane
Chaku hai?
Jeevan - Ooouuum ! Kya bandar ki tarah msg chodta hai tum ! Kya is m/c me
koi ladki hai kyaaa !
Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message
rakhaneko bola ... Aur tum muh pe kuphal daal kai baithta kya
Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi . tum kitna khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam
pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga, Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS
Gabbar - soovar ke bachcho . main ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re
kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg
chchod beta varna gabbar nahi sunega ... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki
doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai "beta so ja nahi to
gabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega...."
Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk karne ki aadat to hai nahi . agar mere
liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana . agar veeru
ke liye hai to dono dabana . yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai
nahi... agar mere liye msg hai...to 1 dabana.......
police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle
ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha: Jao pahle ush
admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya
tha: jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh
diya tha: Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c
mein msg de dena.
Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to
message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.
AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,
jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuke honge,
robert helicopter chalu karo !!
Ajit : "Smart move". Phone kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod
dijiye aur Mona apka phone louta degi ! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi
record karna !
Shatru : jis haram-zade ne call kiya hain ... mein us haram-zade ko zinda
nahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga
Shatru - AAahoy ! Ye Chenu ka answering m/c hai ! Seedhi taraha se message
chhod de warna mai teri haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa
Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve
patte ko nahin ! Nam chod dena Ham patta khud jaan lenge !
Raj Kumar : Jaani. Shisheke gharome rahane wale pathar nahi pheka
karate.Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo. Hum jara jaldi me hai.
Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake woh
tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c .. m/c se hum nahi....
Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c.... HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum
pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega
Prem chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke
msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre'm, He he
Pre'm Chopra
KESTO - Ihhhiyaa ! saale message Chhod ! nahi to Batli de !! Ihhhiyaa!
Jaldi kar HICH ! Apun ko janeka hai Ihhhiyaa ! ! hick! aay . hick! ye
ansering hick! machine hick! msg ..
Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA ! Phone kiya ! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE!
Message rakh ! AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA !
Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo.. adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg
rakho.hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimein
rakho.. HA HAAAAAAA
BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar se log mujhe SHABBO kehate
hai...Tumhara naan kya hai !! Tina Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.
Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod deee ! warna teri maa ki jaaan
....Aaaauu lalita !! mera naam Balma... badriparsad lalanparsad
malapani... balma..Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa ....Balmaa. Aur mere kane
Chaku hai?
Jeevan - Ooouuum ! Kya bandar ki tarah msg chodta hai tum ! Kya is m/c me
koi ladki hai kyaaa !
Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message
rakhaneko bola ... Aur tum muh pe kuphal daal kai baithta kya
Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi . tum kitna khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam
pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga, Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS
Gabbar - soovar ke bachcho . main ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re
kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg
chchod beta varna gabbar nahi sunega ... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki
doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai "beta so ja nahi to
gabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega...."
Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk karne ki aadat to hai nahi . agar mere
liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana . agar veeru
ke liye hai to dono dabana . yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai
nahi... agar mere liye msg hai...to 1 dabana.......
yeh duniya agar mil bhi jayaye
If Guru Dutt had been a software consultant in the US.
(The following should be sung to the tune of an old Hindi classic song sung by late Mohammed Rafi. "Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")
YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS, YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA
YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYA
YEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA
YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTI
YEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI
YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI
YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASI
EXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI
YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KI
YEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITOR
MERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM
TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER
YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
(The following should be sung to the tune of an old Hindi classic song sung by late Mohammed Rafi. "Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")
YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS, YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA
YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYA
YEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA
YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTI
YEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI
YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI
YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASI
EXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI
YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KI
YEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITOR
MERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM
TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER
YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
if guru dutt was a software co
Yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya
Yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
Yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya
Yeh product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
Yeh basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
Yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
Yeh review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
Excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
Yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
Yeh release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Jalaa do ise, phoonk do yeh monitor
Mere saamne se hataa do yeh modem
Tumahaara hai tumhi sambhaalo ye computer
Yeh product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
Yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya
Yeh product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
Yeh basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
Yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
Yeh review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
Excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
Yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
Yeh release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Jalaa do ise, phoonk do yeh monitor
Mere saamne se hataa do yeh modem
Tumahaara hai tumhi sambhaalo ye computer
Yeh product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?
bipasha basu
May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol, and decrease sorrows like clothes of Bipasha Basu.
taray zameen pay
After
the
resounding
success
of
the
Indian
Block
Buster
film
"TARAY ZAMEEN PAY"
we
Pakistanis
present
>
>
>
>
>
"AATA AASMAN PAY".!!
the
resounding
success
of
the
Indian
Block
Buster
film
"TARAY ZAMEEN PAY"
we
Pakistanis
present
>
>
>
>
>
"AATA AASMAN PAY".!!
bollywood remixes
ORIGINAL:
Tumse milne ki tamanna hai............pyar ka eerada hai............
aur ek vaada hai............J..a....a..n..a...m........
REMIX:
Tumko marne ki tamanna hai......dushmani ka eerada hai..........
aur ek vaada hai..............Z.....a...a...l...i...m.........
ORIGINAL:
Tum paas ayae............. yun muskuraye................
tum ne na jaane kya......... sapne dikhaye............
ab to mera dil jaage na soota hai.............kya karun hai......
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai................
REMIX:
Machar paas ayae............yun bhin bhinayae..............
machar ne na jaane kyon .........sapne churaye............
ab to raat bhar so nahin paata hun............kya karun hai....
Machar Bhin Bhinate Hain...........
ORIGINAL:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Jaadugar.............
mera dil tha akela ............tune khel aisa khela .............
tere yaad mein jaagu raat bhar.....r..r..r..r.......
REMIX:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Dhokebar.............
tune dil mera tooda ............maine Fevicol se jooda .............
tere yaad mein mare Machaar.....r..r..r..r.......
ORIGINAL:
Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon........mera dil dewana bole
ole......ole ole......ole...ole...ole.........
gaon tarana yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
Ole.....Ole .....Ole...................Ole....Ole.....Ole........
REMIX:
Jab bhi koi Party deekhon........mera bhooka paet bole
chole......chole...chole......chole...chole...chole.........
khao bhar paet yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
chOle.....chOle .....chOle...................chOle....chOle.....chOle........
Tumse milne ki tamanna hai............pyar ka eerada hai............
aur ek vaada hai............J..a....a..n..a...m........
REMIX:
Tumko marne ki tamanna hai......dushmani ka eerada hai..........
aur ek vaada hai..............Z.....a...a...l...i...m.........
ORIGINAL:
Tum paas ayae............. yun muskuraye................
tum ne na jaane kya......... sapne dikhaye............
ab to mera dil jaage na soota hai.............kya karun hai......
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai................
REMIX:
Machar paas ayae............yun bhin bhinayae..............
machar ne na jaane kyon .........sapne churaye............
ab to raat bhar so nahin paata hun............kya karun hai....
Machar Bhin Bhinate Hain...........
ORIGINAL:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Jaadugar.............
mera dil tha akela ............tune khel aisa khela .............
tere yaad mein jaagu raat bhar.....r..r..r..r.......
REMIX:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Dhokebar.............
tune dil mera tooda ............maine Fevicol se jooda .............
tere yaad mein mare Machaar.....r..r..r..r.......
ORIGINAL:
Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon........mera dil dewana bole
ole......ole ole......ole...ole...ole.........
gaon tarana yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
Ole.....Ole .....Ole...................Ole....Ole.....Ole........
REMIX:
Jab bhi koi Party deekhon........mera bhooka paet bole
chole......chole...chole......chole...chole...chole.........
khao bhar paet yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
chOle.....chOle .....chOle...................chOle....chOle.....chOle........
common bollywood lines
How many times have you heard these in Hindi Films?...with some shady inputs
The classic: "main tumhaare bachche ki maan banne waali hoon." abi saala school ka admission ka jhanjhat, chaddi diaper etc
The eternal reason for being the victim of anything that can happen to you in Hindi films :" Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ...." The idiot may not have heard of credit cards.
A main character in the movie will go to the temple and say : "Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga....." To itna din kya hila raha tha
Old hindi movie : "Aiye ji sunte ho.. Aap bade woh hein." lekin aap ka woh nahi
Lover-girl to leaving lover-boy : "Mai tumhare bina nahin jee sakti " tho maar jaa saaali
Judge announcing his decision in filmi court : "Gawaaoon key bayaanat aur saboot ko madde nazar rakhtey Taz-e-raat-e-hind, dafaa 302 ke tahet , muzrim ko sazaaye maut di jaati hai" followed cheers cheers
Muzrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hai" again cheers cheers
Main is Geeta per haath rakhkar yeh saugandh leta hoon ki jo bhi kahoonga sach kahoonga, aur sach ke siva kuch nahin kahoonga." Geeta is the shahi kaamwali
Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey" saala mera promotion
Raam Raam kaaka" * " Jug Jug jiyo beta "
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhaane ke layak nahin rahe " no wonder Tezaab was a hit
Typical farmer ka dialogue : " mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai " kya karegaa barsaat hui nahi na
Hero/heroine after opening their eyes in the hospital : " Main kahan hoon?" Grant Road mein
Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein" chalo Zohrabai ke ghar
A Prem-Chopra-type villian to the heroine/village belle : " In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai" Hindi wala ya Sanskrit wala?
Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!" .....there are cyborgs, aliens, etc.
Doctor : " Chowbees ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to ..... " kal school/college bandh..desh mein hartal
The classic: "main tumhaare bachche ki maan banne waali hoon." abi saala school ka admission ka jhanjhat, chaddi diaper etc
The eternal reason for being the victim of anything that can happen to you in Hindi films :" Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ...." The idiot may not have heard of credit cards.
A main character in the movie will go to the temple and say : "Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga....." To itna din kya hila raha tha
Old hindi movie : "Aiye ji sunte ho.. Aap bade woh hein." lekin aap ka woh nahi
Lover-girl to leaving lover-boy : "Mai tumhare bina nahin jee sakti " tho maar jaa saaali
Judge announcing his decision in filmi court : "Gawaaoon key bayaanat aur saboot ko madde nazar rakhtey Taz-e-raat-e-hind, dafaa 302 ke tahet , muzrim ko sazaaye maut di jaati hai" followed cheers cheers
Muzrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hai" again cheers cheers
Main is Geeta per haath rakhkar yeh saugandh leta hoon ki jo bhi kahoonga sach kahoonga, aur sach ke siva kuch nahin kahoonga." Geeta is the shahi kaamwali
Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey" saala mera promotion
Raam Raam kaaka" * " Jug Jug jiyo beta "
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhaane ke layak nahin rahe " no wonder Tezaab was a hit
Typical farmer ka dialogue : " mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai " kya karegaa barsaat hui nahi na
Hero/heroine after opening their eyes in the hospital : " Main kahan hoon?" Grant Road mein
Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein" chalo Zohrabai ke ghar
A Prem-Chopra-type villian to the heroine/village belle : " In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai" Hindi wala ya Sanskrit wala?
Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!" .....there are cyborgs, aliens, etc.
Doctor : " Chowbees ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to ..... " kal school/college bandh..desh mein hartal
death at 11 pm
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!
famous bollywood quotes
One cannot achieve succeess with every film. Audiences can
be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.
- Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)
I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
- Manisha Koirala (Actress)
Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
mimicry artist.
- Rani Mukherjee (Actress)
It's strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
In fact, he's approached me for all his home productions.
- Aishwarya Rai (Actress)
Just because I'm an actress, why should anyone dare to
assume that I have no morals?
- Preity Zinta (Actress)
I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
- Hrithik Roshan (Actor)
be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.
- Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)
I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
- Manisha Koirala (Actress)
Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
mimicry artist.
- Rani Mukherjee (Actress)
It's strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
In fact, he's approached me for all his home productions.
- Aishwarya Rai (Actress)
Just because I'm an actress, why should anyone dare to
assume that I have no morals?
- Preity Zinta (Actress)
I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
- Hrithik Roshan (Actor)
gandhi bollywood style
After the grand failure of epic film 'Gandhi' at the box office, Richard Attenborough appointed a committee of renowned and successful Bollywood.
It was decided that name of the film 'Gandhi' was not colourful. Following names were suggested:
Lathi Bani JWAALA
Charkha Gaye Geet Sunaye
Adventures of Kasturba and Mohan in South Africa
Khaadi Rang Layegi
GANDHI ki AANDHI
Deshpremi
Khaana Chhod Dunga
UJDA Chaman
Saabarmati ka Dulaara
Aatma aur Mahaatma
Mahatma No. I
Charkhe ki Awaaz
Goray ki **** Pe Laathi Mar
Laathi se Ajaadi Tak
Gandhi No. I
Mission Gandhi
Mei Mohan tu Kastur
Mere Mohan Pyare
Fatichaar
Kadkaram Mohanlal
Mei Khiladi, Aur Mohan Anaadi
1947, A love story
Meri Kasturba, mera Pyar
Pattgayi Kastur
It was also realized that the dialogues did not have that Bollywood fizz'. Following dialogues were suggested:
1.(Situation : First scene of the movie where Godse fires bullets into Gandhi's chest)
Nathuram : Isi din ka mujhe bachpan se intazaar tha, kamine, ab bachke kahan jayega?
Gandhi: Ye lo - tumhare saamne seena taanke khada hun. himmat hai to chala goli. Are, aisi goli ab tak nahi bani jo gandhi ka seena paarKare.
Nathuram fires...Gandhi dies on the spot.
Nathuram: Maa, maine tumhe diya hua vachan nibhaya hai. Ab tumhari aatma ko shanti milegi.
2.(Situation : Gandhi is being thrown out of train in South Africa)
Gandhi: Ye kaisa insaaf hai bhagwan? Suna tha bhagwan ke ghar der hai, andher nahi. Ab tumhi meri laaj rakho bhagwan... (His baggage gets thrown out of the train behind him. His mother's photo is smashed to pieces. Gandhi looks at the photo, slowly his eyes turn red...his voice quivers...) Yaad rakhna kutton, ek din isi gaon me aakar subko dekh lunga, chun chun ke marunga, chun chun ke marunga.....
3.(Situation : Kasturba is on her death bed, Gandhi is sitting beside her)
Kasturba: Ek vachan do mujhe, tum doosri shadi karoge.
Gandhi: Ye kya kah rahi ho Kasturi, bhala tumhare bina ji paaunga main?
Kasturba: Mujhe kuch nahi malum. Aaj ye vaada karo mujhse. Tabhi chainse marungi main.
Gandhi (tries to smile): Are pagli, is umar me bhala mujhse shadi kaunkarega?
Kasturba (laughs naughtily): Bas karo ji. Itna umar ka khayal hota to us Meeraben ke peeche pagal na hote tum...
Gandhi (suddenly realizes that the conversation is taking a dangerous turn...): Achcha ab tum baat mat karo. Doctor ne mana kiya hai...
4. (Situation : Gandhi declares his umpteenth indefinite fast)
Kasturba: Aji sunte ho? Khana taiyaar hai...
Gandhi: Maine kaha naa ! Nahi khana hai mujhe khana..
Kasturba: Dekhoji ! Khane ne tumhara kya bigada hai? Do rotiyan kha lo aur phir jaha, jana hai chale jao. Main rokungi nahi. Aur dekho aaj maine tumhare liye gaajar ka halwa banaaya hai...
Gandhi (looks tempted): Achha tum kahti ho to kha leta hun.
The committee suggested that a songless and danceless movie will never sell.
Following dance sequences were suggested:
1. A cabaret number by Huma Khan. This should be shown in order to depict the lavish lifestyle of the British
2. A Choli dance sequence (preferably by Madhuri Dixit or Urmila).The situation will be cultural festival in Saabarmati Ashram).
3. A dream sequence of Gandhi and Meeraben is desperately needed. The lyrics could be "Main meera tu Mohan..." or " Tu mera,tu mera, tu mera Satyavadi no 1."
It was decided that name of the film 'Gandhi' was not colourful. Following names were suggested:
Lathi Bani JWAALA
Charkha Gaye Geet Sunaye
Adventures of Kasturba and Mohan in South Africa
Khaadi Rang Layegi
GANDHI ki AANDHI
Deshpremi
Khaana Chhod Dunga
UJDA Chaman
Saabarmati ka Dulaara
Aatma aur Mahaatma
Mahatma No. I
Charkhe ki Awaaz
Goray ki **** Pe Laathi Mar
Laathi se Ajaadi Tak
Gandhi No. I
Mission Gandhi
Mei Mohan tu Kastur
Mere Mohan Pyare
Fatichaar
Kadkaram Mohanlal
Mei Khiladi, Aur Mohan Anaadi
1947, A love story
Meri Kasturba, mera Pyar
Pattgayi Kastur
It was also realized that the dialogues did not have that Bollywood fizz'. Following dialogues were suggested:
1.(Situation : First scene of the movie where Godse fires bullets into Gandhi's chest)
Nathuram : Isi din ka mujhe bachpan se intazaar tha, kamine, ab bachke kahan jayega?
Gandhi: Ye lo - tumhare saamne seena taanke khada hun. himmat hai to chala goli. Are, aisi goli ab tak nahi bani jo gandhi ka seena paarKare.
Nathuram fires...Gandhi dies on the spot.
Nathuram: Maa, maine tumhe diya hua vachan nibhaya hai. Ab tumhari aatma ko shanti milegi.
2.(Situation : Gandhi is being thrown out of train in South Africa)
Gandhi: Ye kaisa insaaf hai bhagwan? Suna tha bhagwan ke ghar der hai, andher nahi. Ab tumhi meri laaj rakho bhagwan... (His baggage gets thrown out of the train behind him. His mother's photo is smashed to pieces. Gandhi looks at the photo, slowly his eyes turn red...his voice quivers...) Yaad rakhna kutton, ek din isi gaon me aakar subko dekh lunga, chun chun ke marunga, chun chun ke marunga.....
3.(Situation : Kasturba is on her death bed, Gandhi is sitting beside her)
Kasturba: Ek vachan do mujhe, tum doosri shadi karoge.
Gandhi: Ye kya kah rahi ho Kasturi, bhala tumhare bina ji paaunga main?
Kasturba: Mujhe kuch nahi malum. Aaj ye vaada karo mujhse. Tabhi chainse marungi main.
Gandhi (tries to smile): Are pagli, is umar me bhala mujhse shadi kaunkarega?
Kasturba (laughs naughtily): Bas karo ji. Itna umar ka khayal hota to us Meeraben ke peeche pagal na hote tum...
Gandhi (suddenly realizes that the conversation is taking a dangerous turn...): Achcha ab tum baat mat karo. Doctor ne mana kiya hai...
4. (Situation : Gandhi declares his umpteenth indefinite fast)
Kasturba: Aji sunte ho? Khana taiyaar hai...
Gandhi: Maine kaha naa ! Nahi khana hai mujhe khana..
Kasturba: Dekhoji ! Khane ne tumhara kya bigada hai? Do rotiyan kha lo aur phir jaha, jana hai chale jao. Main rokungi nahi. Aur dekho aaj maine tumhare liye gaajar ka halwa banaaya hai...
Gandhi (looks tempted): Achha tum kahti ho to kha leta hun.
The committee suggested that a songless and danceless movie will never sell.
Following dance sequences were suggested:
1. A cabaret number by Huma Khan. This should be shown in order to depict the lavish lifestyle of the British
2. A Choli dance sequence (preferably by Madhuri Dixit or Urmila).The situation will be cultural festival in Saabarmati Ashram).
3. A dream sequence of Gandhi and Meeraben is desperately needed. The lyrics could be "Main meera tu Mohan..." or " Tu mera,tu mera, tu mera Satyavadi no 1."
keshto and the cop
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road. A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan se aa rahe ho?"
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".
kbc auditions
Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati is going to expire soon, here are a few persons who could audition for the show.
Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.
Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.
Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.
Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua !
Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?
Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.
Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.
Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.
Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.
Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.
Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).
Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.
Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.
Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.
Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua !
Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?
Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.
Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.
Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.
Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.
Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.
Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).
original bollywood plots
Two friends play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a honest upright cop!
A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married!
Twins separated in a crowded mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again!
Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that she's a lesbian and decides to live-in with a girl she's been seeing secretly!
Two young students in the same class in college manage to fall in love with each other without singing any songs in locations in Europe and without any attempt being made to rape the heroine by the local bully. They get married, have nine kids and live happily everafter!
The angry young man, who's mother, sister, brother and kids are killed by the big-time goon, decides to take revenge and reports this to the police who nab and punish the criminal!
A poor young man falls in love with a beautiful and very rich girl and when they approach the wealthy, arrogant and powerful father he happily gets them married!
Twins separated in a crowded mela grow up in separate towns, doing different jobs, marrying and having children, without ever meeting again!
Two very close friends fall in love with the same girl and in the touching climax both offer to sacrifice their love for the other and the girl finally declares that she's a lesbian and decides to live-in with a girl she's been seeing secretly!
Two young students in the same class in college manage to fall in love with each other without singing any songs in locations in Europe and without any attempt being made to rape the heroine by the local bully. They get married, have nine kids and live happily everafter!
The angry young man, who's mother, sister, brother and kids are killed by the big-time goon, decides to take revenge and reports this to the police who nab and punish the criminal!
rules for bollywood
1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) You can always find a trimurti when you need one. (as in Anjaam)
12) If faced with certain death, do not panic. Merely chant, Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all will be well.
13) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) You can always find a trimurti when you need one. (as in Anjaam)
12) If faced with certain death, do not panic. Merely chant, Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all will be well.
13) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.
saddam hussein and rani mukher
After being chased from everywhere Sadaam went to Mumbai where he met Rani Mukherjee.
So he greeted Rani "kahoo Rani ji kya haal hai"?
Rani "kya bataon Sadaam bhai kabhi khushi tu kabhi gum. Apna kahoo Sadaam Bhai.
Sadaam "Kya bataon behna mera tu bus kabhi goli kabhi bumb".
So he greeted Rani "kahoo Rani ji kya haal hai"?
Rani "kya bataon Sadaam bhai kabhi khushi tu kabhi gum. Apna kahoo Sadaam Bhai.
Sadaam "Kya bataon behna mera tu bus kabhi goli kabhi bumb".
